We are all born with intelligence, an analytical mind that can compare and contrast. It is this mind that is responsible for technological advancement and the conditions we have today. We are able to build something today and then upgrade it and make it better tomorrow. Although comparing ourselves with others can usually in the arousal of jealousy, hatred or anger, the aroused mind can work positively and give us the drive to do something better. For eg, if all our classmates get 100 marks and we get 50 marks, we might feel bad and might generate the drive to do better next time. This might be seen as something positive.

However, any Yang must be accompanied by a Yin. Eg, an athlete might complain about the bitterness of low salary as compared to the higher salary of a teammate. Countries might try to compete against each other by stocking up weapons of mass destruction. In these cases, jealousy, hatred and anger are actually destructive and very negative.

It makes you lose your coolness/calmness and may result in you making wrong decisions in critical situations which could affect the rest of your life. There was a famous true story of a young man whose father promised him a car when he turned 18. When he was coming back from school during his 18^th birthday, he saw his dad holding a gift in his hand. It was a bible. At once, he felt angry because he thought that his dad had gone back his words. He then left his house and wandered around, suffering for many years and never forgave his dad. One day, however he decided to return home. He opened the door and found that his dad was dead. He saw the bible on the floor. He opened it and saw a cheque for the car. In it, there was a note congratulating him on turning 18 years old and he hoping that he would be a good person who would follow the teachings of the bible. The price that he had to pay for his anger when he was 18 years old haunted him for the rest of his life. 

This is the most preferred method by most people nowadays. “A tooth for a tooth”. There was a show in united states trying to solve the problem of infidelity in most youngsters. The ladies in the show actually spend a night with another guy after finding out that their husband had an affair. Initially, it seemed to work but after a while, it became a war between the husband and wife as they competed to see who could sleep around  the most.

It used to be a way to treat people who are easily agitated. Many patients are given a room in which they could smash whatever they like.Today, however, most phychiatrists belive this practice is harmful because it can be addictive and can be dangerous if not well controlled. What if they are angry one day and there is no room for him/her to smash? Just imagine if you met the real president and there was no president punching bags around?

Sometimes, you may discover that behind the scenes there may be other factors at play. For example, if someone is late for an important occasion, you might be angry about that person not being punctual. But if you know that that person was involved in a car accident before he/she arrived, then your anger would probably be gone.

If you do not like a certain person because he/she annoys you, try and understand that person’s background and and imagine yourself as that person growing up in a certain type of environment. It will make you feel more compassion for that person. For example, a person who has grown up with mentally unbalanced relatives or friends might behave more oddly in public

Try and think if you have participated in making your own suffering. Maybe you have said something that has triggered someone into committing an evil act? Maybe you tried to show off some of your riches or knowledge and brought in disaster on yourself? If you find yourself involved in an unfair situation, you will feel more regret than anger.

If you hate someone, try and find something good about that person. For example, that person might be a loving father; that person might contribute alot to the society..etc. By thinking of that, it may make you more forgiving. If you are in a bad situation, try to think of it as an opportunity for you to learn and progress in life. It might be a challenge or a test and if you can pass the test, you future may be bright.

If you feel that your parents are not giving you what you want or that you are not getting what you want, try comparing yourself with people from Somalia, Ethopia or some other disease or hunger stricken country. It will make you think that you are actually quite fortunate.

Many Hindus actually have deformed babies but they are still able to accept this as their karma and bring up the baby despite all the difficulties and inconvenience. Imagine yourself having done many bad things in your previous life and accept that its time for you to face the reality of truth.

Try to see things that you are suffering now as beneficial for you in the long run. Maybe God wants you to have a stronger body? Maybe God is signalling or pointing out something to you? Maybe god is trying to help another person through your experience? Maybe God purposely makes you late for an important occasion in order for you to avoid an accident?

Try to forget the situation by doing other things such as exercise or listening to music. Very often, doing charity work will make you happier because you are making other people happy.

This might be the last option that you want to use. Although it is an escape from the reality it does work at times. Sometimes, if you cannot resolve certain conflicts between you and someone else, you might need to just leave...

A sincere and devoted tao cultivator had done everything that she could for charity but one day, her son met with an accident and died. She lost her work at the same time. As someone so charitable, she couldn’t believe her fate. She was over depressed and lost interest in everything including going to temple as she was financially and spiritually crippled at the moment. She also lost faith in God. How would you console that person?

Anger is a disturbed state of mind which can be trained to calm down. It is not something in-built in us and it can be removed easily by sincere and determined long term training. A true tao cultivator is mindful of the thoughts and emotion in him/her at any moment. When he/she is angry, he/she can apply the appropriate method listed above to solve the problem because he/she knows the consequence of not remaining calm.

How to be mindful of one’s thoughts and emotions? We’ll leave this for next time.

Happy Cultivating,

The English Program Coordinators

Youth Talk

26 Sep 2004